Things on my mind

mood: um...really annoyed, pissed, unloved
time: 4:58 pm
listenin 2: Days go by~Dirty Vegas (erika thats a possiblity)
wearin: red 3/4 leghths shirt w/ faded jeans w/ my hair down (haven a GREAT hair day)
quote: ummmmmmm i dont have one...i bet that after dinner i will

~*~*~*ya i cant change the color...erika if u r bored enough u can do it 4 me or i can change it wen i get home*~*~*~


I went 2 bed @ 5 Friday night b cuz I had waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 2 much on my mind that I couldn’t sleep, n I am goina talk about em b cuz I gotta get if off my chest, sum of it did affect my sleepin but sum of it happened after Friday.

Ok it JUST hit me that my parents will never b 2gether agen, ya it took 6 months but really its bothering me a lot right now. The reason it just hit me was b cuz Taylor was @ Aubrey’s b-day party, I was goin 2 the game n my dad wanted 2 go out. Well normally that’s not a issue b cuz my mom is there 2 watch them. Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, now that they r divorced she’s not there. So we needed a babysitter n well who better then…my mom. (ya I am crying while I write this) So I was @ the game n the whole time I was thinking about how my mom was @ my house, the house she lived in 4 12 years n now she doesn’t live there nemore. N I was wonderin how hard it was 4 her. N then the worst part was when I called her 4 a ride I felt like she wasn’t my mom n it REALLY killed me inside. I <3 my mom but @ the time I felt like a stranger 2 her. N then she dropped my off @ my house n she went home n it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo akward.

x*~OK usually I would just write this in a 3 page note 2 Emily n give it 2 her in Fashion n then she writes back telling me how she <3s me n she hopes I feel better soon n then 2 take my mind off my issues she will tell me how hard it is w/ ___________ , or I would just tell Erika all this, but 4 sum reason I needa put it on here…w/e…I am a VERY stupid person soooooooooo w/e~*x

~Ok b4 I continue I just wanna say how awesome it is 2 have sumone 2 talk 2 n tell EVERYTHING 2…n she does the same!! ;-)~*

Ok other than my parents, ive been thinking about _________ n how much I miss him, yes still, I guess its b cuz, well RIGHT NOW it is b cuz ___________ asked him out, n I kno that if it wassa year ago he woulda sed “no im goin out w/ Morgan” n if it goes out w/ this girl I will take it as total insult, n I kno a lot of his other xs will 2 (OMG that song is on agen wen I am talking about him) neways ya ive got that on my mind but that’s #3, #1 is my parents n #2 I will talk about in like a couple paragraphs. SO thinking about ____________ leads me 2 the next thing on my mind.

The whole bf thing. NO ONE knos how much this is bugging me. I am seriously starting 2 think I am fat, ugly, stupid, unattractive b cuz that’s wut guys say n I didn’t accually believe it til now. I mean I sed I thought I was but I never really did til now. Ok its been ½ a year since a guy seriously wanted 2 go out w/ me. N guys I meet online like me but then they c me n then they think I am sooooooo ugly n don’t like me nemore. N then guys ask me out as jokes, n @ first ya it was funny but now it fuken pisses me off n I kno that’s wut they want but it didn’t til now, n it really pisses me off right now b cuz I am looken 4 a bf.

N then theres my dad n how much he hates me. Saturday after church me n him go in2 a HUGE fight n I REALLY needed a bf @ that time b cuz I needed sum1 2 love , n hug me wen I was sad n crying my eyes out n tell me that they loved me so I felt loved unlike I did on Saturday nigh. Neways, ya we got in2 a huge fight n i REALLY wanted 2 run away. n wen i wrote this down in the notebook it was only like 3 hrs later n i still 2day on Monday am still considering it. But the issue is idk where 2 run 2 n Erika dont say ur house b cuz i am serious n my dad would kno that ur house would b i ran 2 so he would check there first n that wouldnt b good... i gotta run 2 sumwhere he wouldnt expect. N Erika i prolly wouldnt tell u if i was b cuz u would make me tell u where i was running 2 n then since my dad knos how much u mean 2 me he will ask u where i am n then u will end up tellin him n then agen...not good...So ya thats my dad situation.

n now the 2nd thing on my mind is the whole thing w/ Erika, i wont say so that she doesnt get ?ed by a million ppl but usually wen she doesnt tell me things its like ya um ok sure w/e but wen sum1 says "your my best friend u should kno" n then doesnt tell u...uhm it makes u wonder if they really love you or not, im sorry Rik but it really is bothering me since u did tell Eric already n u wont tell me.

Ok then one thing that i dont get y it is bugging me but it is is the _______ n __________ thing. N I HAVE NOTHING 2 DO W/ IT!!!! So ya not good.

Another thing is Taylor, after u read my weekend u will kno y its bugging me...soo ya...

n the last thing is my dad agen, its kinda a bad thing 4 me but...Dustin if u r reading this...DONT SAY A WORD! but ya my dad started smokeing agen...n it kinda bothering me since alot has happened w/ smoking in my family...but like everywhere i go now it smells like smoke...:'(

WOW that felt really good 2 get off my chest.

Ya well...im done w/ that now i just gotta write my weekend which takes up 8 pages on paper...soooooooo ya its long

Love Morgan